This weekend, the new 11 digit phone numbers begin in Chicago…making it much harder for local rappers to give their phone number in their songs.

McPier is in trouble. They need some solutions. So I have come up with five cost-cutting measures that may help McPier solve their financial problems for Navy Pier. This, if anyone hasn’t noticed, is a joke.

1. Get rid of the Ferris wheel. There has to be upkeep costs on that thing. Tear it down and make a combo “churro stand/commemorative coin machine/virtual reality roller coaster.”
2. Close Chicago Shakespeare. Nobody likes Shakespeare. Open up a new hip-hop dance battle zone. Think Bloodsport but for krunking.
3. Let’s be honest – does anyone really need the Navy Pier Players? I know some of them personally, but they could find other part-time jobs. I don’t think the tourists will miss pirates walking around the Pier.
4. Charge tourists a “bridge fee” when they walk half-way down the pier. Even though there is no bridge, they won’t notice.
5. Kill off that Chinese place. Nobody ever eats there.

In other news this morning:

• Gapers Block responded to the announcement of the Trib’s new Chicago Breaking News Sports site by finding out what other breaking news sites the Trib may be planning.
• From our conversation with Mayor Daley, Progress Illinois breaks down and fact checks Daley’s TIF quotes.
• Everyone wants to bag on the seniors for ruining our CTA budget (remember, they ride for free), but Mike Miner from the Chicago Reader breaks down the costs and wonders if it really matters.
• There’s gotta be a joke here – Solo Cup Factory Ablaze. If you have one, let me know. If it’s good, I’ll give you a Car Talk mug.
• And no, it’s not West Hollywood…it’s West Side Hollywood.

Finally, on this day in Chicago history, I got some free food in a Grant Park press tent.